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Well it’s a job and somebody just has to do it

Well it’s a job and somebody just has to do it
by Malcolm B Duncan

It’s a bit like passing a pub on a very hot Australian afternoon – there are times when you just can’t resist.

The two things that took my eye today in the job ads were this. What does one have to do to be a real professor in Wagga?

And this that I must just reproduce in full because it offers such a fun opportunity for a jape in tough times:

 
 

The Department of Infrastructure, Transport, Regional Development and Local Government is the Australian Government’s key adviser on infrastructure, transport and regional issues.

Our vision is to contribute to the well being of all Australians by assisting regions to develop their own futures, developing the nation’s infrastructure and fostering an efficient, sustainable, competitive, safe and secure transport system.

Take this opportunity to work with a team of talented people committed to delivering critical outcomes for the Australian community in the areas of infrastructure, transport and regional services.

The Department has a diverse set of responsibilities that provide many opportunities to suit a variety of career interests. We also offer a wide range of flexible work arrangements, tailored to meet your particular needs.

Assistant Speechwriter

EL 1 - PAO - $81,033 - $96,444

Ref number: 08-524

Location: Canberra

Employment Type: Ongoing

The Communication Services Unit is the Department's primary point of contact on communications projects and issues for portfolio ministers, Departmental Executive and internal and external clients. The Unit works closely with client areas to identify and manage issues, and to actively promote the portfolio’s priorities and achievements. The unit is client-focused in managing the Department’s external image and internal communication. All Departmental employees will have a strong awareness of the APS and Departmental values, the APS code of conduct and Departmental policies regarding workplace diversity, occupational health and safety, and participative work practices. Employees are expected to apply these principles to their work as a matter of course.

As the Assistant Speechwriter, you will use your well developed writing skills to draft high quality speeches for the Minister, Parliamentary Secretary and Senior Executive on a wide range of topics relating to the Infrastructure portfolio. You will be adept at liaising with senior officers and stakeholders, and possess the ability to craft speeches which are informative, consitent with the speaker's style, and in a way that clearly communicates the speaker's key messages. Reporting to the Senior Speechwriter you will be responsible for, ensuring consistent and strategic messaging in speeches and other written materials (eg forewords, talking points, media releases), including an awareness of whole of Government approaches and perspectives on portfolio related issues establishing a network of subject matter experts both within and external to the Department, including liaising with departmental and Ministerial staff on content and input for speeches, drafting, editing, reviewing and finalising speeches to the satisfaction of the relevant senior executives and Ministerial staff, in line with Departmental style guidelines. Liaising with Departmental and Ministerial staff on speech content and input. Negotiating with conference and event organisers in relation to speech requirements, participating in the Departmental media on call duty roster. Contributing to longer term strategic planning and processes for the Communication Services team.

To be eligible for engagement, the successful candidate will be required to undertake a security assessment to the level of Entry Level.

Selection documentation: Sally James 02 6274 8003 or sally.james@infrastructure.gov.au
Further information: Jackie Gleeson 02 6274 8069 or
jackie.gleeson@infrastructure.gov.au

Applications for this position close on 7/12/2008.

Applicants must address all selection criteria. The Department prefers online lodgement of applications via the website at http://www.infrastructure.gov.au/ Where electronic lodgement is not possible, please contact the contact officer for this position to discuss other options for submitting your application.

Alternatively you may wish to contact our Recruitment Team on 02 6274 6161 for more information on the lodgement of your application. Further information on our department and employment opportunities, can be found at our website www.infrastructure.gov.au/department/careers/

The Department of Infrastructure, Transport, Regional Development and Local Government is an Equal Opportunity Employer, and encourages applications from Indigenous Australians.

This is a security assessed position and the successful applicant will need to obtain and maintain a security clearance at the appropriate level. Conditions of service are covered by the Department's Collective Agreement 2006-2009. Australian citizenship is a requirement of employment in The Department of Infrastructure, Transport, Regional Development and Local Government. Applicants who have permanent resident status may be considered, but an offer of employment would be conditional on achieving Australian citizenship.

Title:

Assistant Speechwriter

Classification:

APS Level 6 to Executive Level 1 (POA)

Salary:

$63,257 to 96,444

Business Division:

Corporate

Branch/ Section:

Communication Services Unit

Location:

Canberra

Security Clearance:

Secret

Contact Officer:

Jackie Gleeson 02 6274 8069

About the Business Division:

The Communication Services Unit is the Department’s primary point of contact on communications projects and issues for portfolio ministers, Departmental Executive and internal and external clients.

The Unit works closely with client areas to identify and manage issues, and to actively promote the portfolio’s priorities and achievements. The unit is client-focused in managing the Department’s external image and internal communication. All Departmental employees will have a strong awareness of the APS and Departmental values, the APS code of conduct and Departmental policies regarding workplace diversity, occupational health and safety, and participative work practices. Employees are expected to apply these principles to their work as a matter of course.

About the Position:

As the Assistant Speechwriter, you will use your well developed writing skills to draft high quality speeches for the Minister, Parliamentary Secretary and Senior Executive on a wide range of topics relating to the Infrastructure portfolio. You will be adept at liaising with senior officers and stakeholders, and possess the ability to craft speeches which are informative, consistent with the speaker's style, and in a way that clearly communicates the speaker's key messages.

Reporting to the Senior Speechwriter you will be responsible for,

  • Ensuring consistent and strategic messaging in speeches and other written materials (eg: forewords, talking points, media releases), including an awareness of whole of Government approaches and perspectives on portfolio related issues.
  • Drafting, editing and reviewing and finalising speeches to the satisfaction of the relevant Senior Executives and Ministerial staff, in line with Departmental style guidelines.
  • Establishing a network of subject matter experts both within and external to the Department.
  • Liaising and negotiating with conference and event organisers in relation to speech requirements.
  • Participating in the Departmental media on-call duty roster.
  • Contributing to longer-term strategic planning and processes for the Communication Services team.

Selection Criteria:

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

  1. Communicates with influence: communicates clearly, listens, understands and adapts to audience, negotiates persuasively.
  2. Achieves results: builds organisational capability, marshals professional expertise, steers and implements change and deals with uncertainty, ensures closure and delivers on intended results.
  3. Cultivates productive working relationships: nurtures internal and external relationships, facilitates cooperation and partnerships, values individual differences and diversity, guides, mentors and develops people.
  4. Shapes strategic thinking: inspires a sense of direction, focuses strategically, harnesses information and opportunities, shows judgment, intelligence and commonsense.
  5. Exemplifies personal drive and integrity: demonstrates public service professionalism and probity, engages with risk and shows personal courage, commits to action, displays resilience, demonstrates self-awareness and a commitment to personal development.
  6. Specific technical expertise:
  • Tertiary qualifications in media / journalism / professional writing (or equivalent industry experience upwards of five years).
  • Demonstrated ability in providing high-level communications advice to senior decision-makers, including outstanding writing and editing skills.
  • A thorough understanding of the workings of the Australian Public Service and portfolio Ministerial Offices, including experience in working with stakeholders in these arena.

Please Note: Responses to the selection criteria are limited to 300 words per criterion.

 
 Now, the task for Webdiariasts who want a real pizzle before the end of Spring is for us to work up a joint application for the job (the students would be more than welcome to contribute), then we send it in and when they do the interview, providing she consents of course, we send Margo along.

Hours of fun for everyone, and this may be the only occasion in my life that I welcome deconstruction. All proceeds to Webdiary and, if we crack it, we job share. I’m sure there are plenty of us who could do with maternity leave.

Tee hee.

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Dog day afternoon

Checking in and checking out of heartbreak hotel.

Scott: A great movie as I recall Solomon; I'm interested, care to flesh it out?

Bravo! Bravo! Eliot!

(Dabs at tears).  That's the kind of stirring stuff we need.

If you miss out on that job, do you think that you could help them out at the ABC?

Several times today I've heard on the news that Nick D'Arcy pleaded guilty to assaulting Simon Cowley in a Sydney court today.

No he didn't.   Nick Darcey pleaded guilty in a Sydney court today to assaulting Simon Cowley.

Grrrrr

Interfering with a player

F Kendall: "Several times today I've heard on the news that Nick D'Arcy pleaded guilty to assaulting Simon Cowley in a Sydney court today."

Another outburst like that, and I'll clear the court.

QC: What is your date of birth?
Simon Cowley: July fifteenth.
QC: What year?
Simon Cowley: Every year.

Boom tish.

Ya gotta laugh

Ah, Eliot. So You've read Disorder In The Court too, eh? Truth  is often funnier than fiction.  Here are a couple of my favourites:

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby)
was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....

**

ATTORNEY: You were not shot in the fracas?

WITNESS: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.

You gotta know

If you didn't learn something every day of your life, not only would it not be fun but you wouldn't be trying.

Early in my career I listened to a barrister much more senior to me ask his client the question (which on reflexion is obviously admissible as opposed to the stupid question I would have asked at that stage) "Is it your understanding that you were born on ... "

Now they have amended the Evidence Act in my jurisdiction to allow hearsay evidence of one's date of birth.

Think about it carefully: how could you know from personal experience?

That, artificial as some of you might think it, is how we do it kiddies: proveable "facts".

Marble Bar and Wagga?

Not bloomin' likely.

I bet that he thought that he would need to apply for a passport before venturing as far as Newcastle.

To the moon, Alice...

 $96,444 a year - writing speeches for Anthony Albanese MP!

And you report to Jackie Gleeson, for chrissakes!

You mean, Albanese has Jackie Gleeson running his PR department or something, and he still needs a freaking speech writer?

A man and a guy named Benny Schwartz are in a bar having drinks. Benny boasts that he knows everybody. The man says "That's ridiculous!"

Benny says "Wanna bet?" So the man bets Benny $100 that he doesn't know Anthony Albanese and Paul Keating.

Benny calls a cab to take them to Albanese's electoral office out in Grayndler.

"Hey, Tony!" shouts Benny, walking into Albanese's office. " I want you to meet a pal of mine."

"Jeesus. I was just saying to Keating, we ain't seen Benny in weeks," says Albanese, slapping Benny on the back, shaking his hand. "How ya going, Benny?"

In desperation, the man says "Yeah, but I bet you don't know the Pope."

So they go to Rome.

The next morning Benny says "Be at the square in front of St. Peter's at noon."

So the man goes there. Huge crowd. Has to stand on the periphery.

Two figures appear on a balcony, but they are almost too far away to be recognizable.

The man turns to an Italian guy next to him and asks "Who are those men on the balcony?"

"Well, I don't know about-a the guy in-a white wearing da funny hat. But the other guy, he's-a Benny Schwartz."

No, wait. That's Jackie Gleason. Different spelling.

 Richard:  So, Eliot, you're putting up your hand for the job?

Needs a bit of sizzle

I bet even Barack Obama's speech writer doesn't get ninety-six grand a year.

What the fuck's going through Alabanese's head he thinks he needs to pay someone $96,444 a year to write speeches about opening bridges in Wagga Wagga and re-laying the tarmac on airstrips in Marble Bar and the like?

Like, you need to whip up crowd fervour over at the Ministry for Infrastructure, Transport, Regional Development and Local Government, for some reason?

Here's one of his press releases.  This is the opening two lines;

Today I had the pleasure of officially opening Newcastle's new Maritime Centre - the culmination of years of tireless effort from many within the local community.

Located in a refurbished heritage-listed building at Lee Wharf in the Honeysuckle Development area, the Maritime Centre will become a significant heritage and tourism asset for the City of Newcastle and the Hunter region, as well as a base of excellence in maritime education and research.

Fascinating. Alright, let's try a speech based on that.

The first two lines...

"My fellow Australians. It gives me great pleasure to officially open this, Newcastle's new Maritime Centre - the culmination of years of tireless effort from many within the local community."

"With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation's wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and his orphan, to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations."

The second line's great.

The first needs a bit of work, though...

Now do you believe me?

Eliot's a natural.

Jackie Gleason - Hahahahaha

I reckon Jackie Gleeson can expect a reply from Ed Norton.

PS. If we get this job share thing writing crap can I write the easy stuff - like the "and"s and "also"s?

Collaboration

You're on, Justin Obodie. I think that you should insist that the time, day and place of the epic meeting of the two Scots be published, so that you can join 'em. Then you could beat 'em, if you feel so inclined.

Two Scots - who's gunna pay?

Two Scots at the Cross to have lunch - oh dear, who is going to pay? Things could get ugly I fear. Best they get a hold of Eliot - at least he will bring his own lunch-box. But I doubt if he would pay.

Oi!

This is a private conversation if you don't mind and whether or not you lot are privy to any of it is entirely at our discretion. Remain hopeful but nothing else. There are royalty issues for consideration amongst other stuff.

With regard to payment (and I'm a Scott by name only), I'll be the the first to get my wallet out.  Malcolm will demur, I'll insist, Malcolm will also insist and at that point I will try to subtly suggest (haven't got my head around this yet) that in consideration of all he has gained as a result of our conversation, he should foot the bill. Only fair, I'm not the Potts Point lawyer after all.

Dutch it is then, (sigh.)

Oi yourself

I'm not having Ingrid Van Bloody Beak anywhere near the place. Dutch indeed. I'll bring the grog.

Kathy Farrelly, don't get me started. The bloody Sheraton, place is still there re-badged. Ah, the Chevron. Silver Spade Room. First place I ever had bombe Alaska (much more poular a concept in North America these days one would imagine) while seeing (oh my gawd, I think it might have been Little Patti in) Annie Get Your Gun. Hilarious - waiter had put too much cognac over the meringue and it nearly burnt the place down.

And Bill Leek brought the Bull and Bush back to me with his fascinating tale of painting the wonderful June Salter. They had a piece of footage of her singing at the Playbox Theatre in Phillip Street in 1956. Wasn't there that night because it was the year I was born (well, I don't think I was there that night - should ask Mother I suppose) but that was where we saw all the early Humphries shows - always an acute embarrasment, my parens being named Bruce and Joy.

Back when Mr Menzies was Prime Minister and we didn't know he had a mistress. Back when life was fun.

Now we have job adverts for assistant speechwriters to write about transport. Heavens save us all. At least the kiddies playground is still there and you can still get a decent wack of detergent into the fountain.

Mamma Maria's has gone as so much of the colour has but it is still the best place in the world to live. I'm trying to get the Council to expand the size of the kiddies playground back to what it was like when I was a kid here. I'm pleased to say we have heaps of kids around lately: we might even need a new kindergarten.

So, come and visit, revisit and sit and watch the harbour just for a while then you can bugger off back to where you live and clear the footpaths for the yuppies: they don't like clutter darling.

Ramblings on a Monday night

Gee! Have'nt been to Kings Cross or Potts Point in years.

Loved it all. I first went  there with my parents when I was about 12 years old. Stayed at the Sheraton in Potts Point. El Alamein fountain was frothing with bubbles at the time, after some sabotage!

Still have vivid memories of delectable pizza from Mama Maria's (probably no longer there).

Remember also, Roy Orbison performing  at the Chevron Hotel.

He was a great singer songwriter.

Roy and K.D. Lang sang a beautiful duet "Crying"  not long before he passed away.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHZtDVPs--Y

Hadn't thought of our Eliot as the principal candidate

On reflexion, however, it would certainly boost our chances of getting up on disability grounds, the Commonwealth being an equal opportunity employer and all.

Now, we can be very Potts Point and have lunch at Zinc on Thursday (Cnr of Rockwell Cres and Macleay Street) or more bohemian and have lunch on Friday at Bar Reggio in Crown St East Sydney.

My email is mbduncan@tpg.com.au

Deconstruction

Mate, you patently have too much time on your hands but so have I and I'm up for it.

I can assume the role of campaign manager because to be succesful this is going to take planning. We need to enlist the aid of those of at least partial qualification to give credence. Jargon I've got covered via my long suffering.

Margo, much admired as she is by me, I think is a poor choice; too high a profile. Can I suggest Eliot? (Probably a pseudonym which is exactly what is required.) Ideally suited to the role; believes in nothing but the satisfaction of foxing people and arousing ire. The latter of course must be tempered but the trade off is in the former. (Those naive enough to believe he has come around to their way of thinking had better have a second think.)

It will require some degree of forgery of course but not the prosecutable kind, on line application being preferred. So Eliot, this should appeal to you and you have time on your hands; buying in?

This being a public forum, we do of course run the risk of being sprung but by whom? A relative junior who will let it pass with a smirk on his face. (ASO4-5 I'm guessing.)

That begs the question of how our hard earned tax dollars are being spent. Up to 90 grand pa for an assistant speech writer? Ferkrisake how many speeches is the goose going to make? More than double that when you throw in the honcho! We pay good money for pollies who can't speak without assistance? Effing hell.

Apologies to all others, I leave for Sydney Wednesday with an express purpose and as happenstance would have it will be staying in Potts Point. Should save on taxi fares. Thursday, Friday or Saturday (I never drink on days without an "a" in them).

For all others there is the possible reward of being privy to Malcolm and Scott, eyeball to eyeball.

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