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The worst recipe ever

For a few (few = three +) years some Webdiarists (some = three +) have been asking for a Cooks’ Corner (or should that be Korner?). Eh bien, it’s the weekend, and I’ve spent the last three months (with a bit of time out for good behaviour – erm, winter hols) at a school (collecting data). One of the things that happens in a school staffroom, over those snatched moments of passion morning tea / lunch is that recipes are sometimes discussed (and/or disgusted).

Having shared some of my favourites with some of my favourite teachers, I thought this might be a good opportunity for Webdiarists to do the same. An appropriate starting-point thrust itself at me a few weeks ago – with the disclosure of Elizabeth David’s (the older and more discerning gourmet’s goddess) worst recipe ever:

Do not try this at home
Italian salad
1 pint cold cooked macaroni
½ pint cooked or tinned pears
½ pint grated raw carrot
French dressing to moisten
2 heaped tablespoons minced onion
½ pint cooked or minced string beans

Mix the chopped macaroni and vegetables; moisten with French dressing, flavouring with garlic if liked. Serve on a dish lined with lettuce leaves. Decorate with mayonnaise and minced pimento or chives.

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Stomachpump sauerkraut

After returning from an early morning endeavour selling Tribune, a comrade and I refreshed ourselves with herbs and then concocted a meal which was curried (packet) frankfurts with a side of sauerkraut.  All we had, really. Dear heavens the pain.

Kitty Litter Cake - Bon appekitty

 Kitty Litter Cake


1 spice or German chocolate cake mix
1 white cake mix
2 large packages vanilla instant pudding mix, prepared
1 large package vanilla sandwich cookies
green food coloring
12 small Tootsie Roll candies

1 new kitty litter pan
1 new kitty litter pan liner
1 new pooper scooper
Instructions:  Prepare cake mixes and bake according to directions (any size pans).

Prepare pudding mix and chill until ready to assemble.

Crumble white sandwich cookies in small batches in food processor, scraping often. Set aside all but about 1/4 cup. To the 1/4 cup cookie crumbs, add a few drops green food coloring and mix until completely colored.

When cakes are cooled to room temperature, crumble into a large bowl. Toss with half the remaining white cookie crumbs and the chilled pudding. Important: mix in just enough of the pudding to moisten it. You don't want it too soggy. Combine gently.

Line a new, clean kitty litter box. Put the cake/pudding/cookie mixture into the litter box.

Put 3 unwrapped Tootsie rolls in a microwave safe dish and heat until soft and pliable. Shape ends so they are no longer blunt, curving slightly. Repeat with 3 more Tootsie rolls bury them in the mixture. Sprinkle the other half of cookie crumbs over top. Scatter the green cookie crumbs lightly on top of everything -- this is supposed to look like the chlorophyll in kitty litter.

Heat 3 Tootsie Rolls in the microwave until almost melted. Scrape them on top of the cake; sprinkle with cookie crumbs. Spread remaining Tootsie Rolls over the top. For the coup de gras take one Tootsie Roll and heat until pliable, hang it over the side of the kitty litter box, sprinkling it lightly with cookie crumbs. Place the box on a newspaper and sprinkle a few of the cookie crumbs around for a truly disgusting effect!


Sounds yummy to me; buy why would you bother buying a new kitty litter pan etc. when the old ones would do just fine?

Bon appekitty

Inedibles #1

Brilliant idea Dr Beaton.

Not surprisingly, I am a very good (if generally simple) cook but even to genius the occasional failure must come.

Here is my first offering.


3 eggs.

Slab of butter.

Lots of fresh citrus fruit segmented.


Beat the eggs and yolks until frothy.

Warm frypan and melt butter.

Pour egg mix into hot frypan.

Lay out orange and mandarine (or whatever is not going eventually to take your fancy) on one half of the coooking omelette until the surface is just short of solidifying. Fold the empty half over the fruit. Turn the omelette to seal the edges.

Turn to cook on the other side until golden brown. Turn again to brown other side until golden.

Serve by sliding result into rubbish bin.

Whatever you do, DON'T EAT THE RESULT.

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