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The Scion, the Wheat and the Cabinet Chapter VIII

The Chronicles of Nadir

As told from the grave by Tom Lewis

Tale the First

The Scion, the Wheat and the Cabinet

Chapter VII

See Chapter I, Chapter II, Chapter III, Chapter IV, Chapter V, Chapter VI, Chapter VII.

Alexander, the son of Sir Alexander, actually, hadn’t actually killed anyone actually himself (as in actually causing their demise) or, as one of his aides playfully suggested to him it should be designated, re-classified. He was particularly challenged by the immediate need to re-classify this Hicks lad. Suddenly, it seemed, the US Supreme Court had started the job for him without warning or any chance of a fair hearing according to decently accepted principles of international law actually accepted by actual international lawyers actually. The Ship of State was adrift without a Ruddock.

Meanwhile, there was considerable tension amongst the other children. Peter felt it was time to reposition himself and had devised a plan for invading Europe by sending his factional ally, Bruce Baird, to the Hillsong conference (purely in a personal capacity you understand); Little Lucy was bereft because not only had the Snowy River been saved by accident but Woolloomooloo had been included in the seat of Wentworth threatening the family pension plan; and poor Amanda just seemed to have lost what she fondly referred to as her muse. Still, she thought, there are plenty of batteries in Fyshwick. As Amanda had once been told by her gym mistress, "honi soit, nous sommes s’amusent". Strange though that the gym mistress just happened to be an expert on the campaigns of the 30 Years’ War and had had a lively correspondence with her old editor, CV Wedgewood (or Cyn as she was known to her close friends). Tiffin had always been fun – such nice cups - and she knew heaps about siege warfare including fossas. In fact, she’d been up a few. The tales she had related to the gels of her travels (or the tales of her travels she had related to the gels) had enriched Amanda’s schooling almost beyond – well she was from Adelaide and she would always have that to share with Alexander.

Yet, there was definitely the smell of death in the air. That and a distinct hint of Teak oil. The price was skyrocketing. The Organisation for Teak-oil Exporting Kuwaitis (OTEK) had put its footprint down and decided on a final solution. It was pretty cashed up and had secretly been training French polishers in camps in Ottawa for many years.

Corder, amongst his many talents, had been apprenticed as a French Polisher and had even won apprentice of the year with his Campbelltown triple glaze. He was applying the finishing touches to one of his better jobs on Jeanette when she suddenly exploded in Vitriol, a small province in Papua, once owned by her late father-in-law. "Get me Clarke," she said bitterly. "Clarke?" said the aide who was permanently assigned as her appointment secretary and who had just finished the gazettal notices for the latest round of appointments to the Federal Court. "Crikey" the girl said. "None of that" said Jeanette. "You know who I mean: the lunatic in the Upper House in NSW. He has to stop THAT WOMAN." "Ah", said the aide, "Epping". "Don’t you swear at me" said Jeanette. "Tink" she spat and were this not both a children’s story and but for the fact that the tape failed at that point, the rest of her words would not be lost to posterity.

In another corner of the playground, that nice picnic area near Russell Offices (you know the one – just near the remains of the Japanese midget submarine), young Brendan had gone very quiet. He was playing with his new toy, the oral dam. It was a most unusual experience. No-one had heard him so quiet since the earring hole had healed. And there was good reason: defence had sounded terrific until you really had to do it by way of aggression. Spend big, build an empire, sky’s the limit he had thought but no-one had told him about body bags or that the zips didn’t always work – after all the poor chap had only ever been a GP and a bureaucrat – who let that bastard NSW coroner into the game? Brendan was very worried. Where were the Roslyn Rosses of this world when you needed a bit of pacifist rhetoric? Early in his career he had taken the Hypocritical Oath but even he was finding it difficult to live up to today. Christ, had Little Johnnie seen the morning papers yet? Brendan pulled his flack jacket tighter but the damned thing just didn’t seem to fit properly. Was it going to be another long day in procurements? He didn’t think he could stand another frank lecture from that Gumbey bloke. Who hired the bastard in the first place? Why didn’t he have a minder? Well, at least that would be fixed by lunchtime. Personal reasons probably. Just not enough hours in the day really. And if only he’d stuck to his guns he could be leading the Labor Party by now.

Little Johnnie on the other hand was in his element. Deep in his element. So deep in his element [we’ll just leave it there eh? Ed]. While it was unfortunate that the lads had accidentally exitmoulded the personal bodyguard of the Persian trade Minister (understandable really – they all look alike – Cronulla, Baghdad – what’s the difference?), the flack could largely be passed on to Brendan and the unfortunate Boy Dweeb. Little Johnnie was still killing himself laughing that the seat of the Boy Dweeb’s predecessor had been abolished in the recent re-distribution while his own seat had remained virtually unchanged and Little Lucy’s playmate had acquired most of the remaining members of the Communist party not living either in the Ukraine, Melbourne or North Adelaide. The Persian position had, however, freed up the possibility of lucrative trade with the Lady Jadis.

Yet there was still this problem of global warming. Not that Little Johnnie was actually warming to anyone in particular - it was just that it was causing a potential trade problem with the Land of Nadir. The Cabinet Secretary had reported that there was increasing slush pervading the back of the cabinet. Slush meant wets and wets meant moisture. Moisture meant germination. Germination meant that there were rapidly becoming more syllables than Little Johnnie could cope with.

He decided to ring Roger Ramjet, the thinking man’s leader of the NSW Opposition. Although, when Little Johnnie really thought about it, he had never been able to work out what that bloke was thinking. He got the answer machine.

"Please leave" it said, and cut out.

He made another call.

"How’s it going Pru?" he said.

A seductive female voice said: "We’re fucked."

"No, I mean the preselection." said Little Johnnie.

"Oh, is that you, bubbles?" she replied. "Sorry I mistook you for Gerard Henderson.* I think I’ll have to pull out unless we can get some pretty quick Persian support."

"I think we’re gone there" said Little Johnnie.

"It all comes down to a question of" he whispered,


* Gerard Henderson is the thinking man’s Miranda Devine **
** Miranda Devine is the thinking man’s Piers Ackerman ***
*** Piers Ackerman is the thinking man’s Alan Jones ****
**** Chris Masters’ book, Drunk for a Penny, Gay for a Fiver will be out as soon as the bidding war finishes.

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Well Tagged, Malcolm

Malcolm B Duncan, your piece is evolving into quite a damning diary.

Given the reference to zippers on body bags, you might be able to help me with some confusion.  As Angus Houston has pre-empted the Kovco inquiry findings by media-releasing his own submission (bear in mind the Inquiry reconvenes on July 17) there is no  ethical reason why the topic should not be raised. My issue is that the stories regarding body identification still don't match up.

How did all these people, including consular officials and Halliburton chaps, miss the fact that one body (Sunanovic's) had a moustache and the other didn't?  Sunanovic was apparently brought to Australia in the correct body-bag,  which was tagged with the  name and Bosnian passport number, while Kovco's remains arrived with the wrong personal identification.  Mr Houston says that the wrong body was presented for identification... does this mean that body tags were swapped in the mortuary, and everthing else altered to match this presumed prima facie?  How far does the cover-up go, and does it involve protecting what's left of Halliburton's international reputation?

Malcolm, have you considered trying to include a Scott Parkin character, if for nothing else than showing the lengths that this pack of liars will go to to avoid being exposed?  Parkin's case is finally due back in court very soon, I gather.  Who knows, at the end of the day this part of the story, along with Kovco's, might bear relevance to the bigger picture.

Back to the wheat... how much further can the story evolve before the deceptions are finally revealed and the children forced to come out of the closet, to face the guillotine?

Sub Judice

While I might make reference to current events, Richard Tonkin, it is both my policy and my duty not to comment on current events where a decision has not been handed down or an appeal period has not expired and an appeal is likely (and at the moment that covers a welter of material including IR which is reserved before the High Court, the terrorism legislation which is on its way to the High Court from about 3 different directions I know of and most criminal matters including Mr Parkin's).    While I appreciate that, to the layman, the law works slowly, those of us who are in it know that is not always true.   There is always a need to balance the rights of any litigant to have his matter disposed of against the idea of fast-tracking.   Gummow's listing the other day of one of the terror cases for August while it may seem slow to you seems like lightning to me considering the complexity and the workload of the Court.    By the same token, I have know cases where a first instance decision has been given in the morning, appealed and heard by three judges, decided and remitted to the trial judge that afternoon and disposed of finally.

All depends on the circumstances but the system can move at a blinding speed if the practitioners involved and the Judges know what they are doing.   You can rest assured that our High Court knows what it is doing.

As to Nadir, it is political satire: I aim for nothing more.   If it amuses me and has sufficient interest to get the publisher to put it up, it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of it (neglected though I may feel from time to time).   Satire can be an instrument of social reform but I think it only does that when it alerts sufficient of the populace  to embrace that reform or deal with the inequity (or iniquity).

Yours aye,

Funny? Well, if you really want to know...

Oh dear (with tears of laughter streaming down my cheeks) - snap ... crackle ... pop ... (probably yet another reason why rice should not be grown in Australia; at any rate, not where it is being grown at the moment). So end all cereal offenders.

But what of the teak table, sir?

Porn unexpected

Angela Ryan: "Dear friends had porn downloaded one night behind the computer browsing without any sign other than slowing."

Funny you should say that. Brings to mind a recent similar incident involving my dear sister, a pillar of the local Church and one of those people who is very old fashioned and very easily shocked. She sent her computer in for repairs, and when she got it back the most pornographic screensaver came up.

She was shocked and hurriedly deleted it. A few weeks later the bloke who fixed it was arrested for child porn and child molestation. But he has at this stage been freed, for lack of sufficient evidence I believe.  So she probably deleted some of that evidence.  It is easy to contaminate a computer and destroy someone's reputation.

BTW. You can't write? Don't give us that.  

Malcom B Duncan: Well two here had a good giggle anyway. Thought of a nice little add on for Prue and Bubbles. But assets here too hard won. Yellow? Yes.

Me too...me too...

Malcolm B. Duncan, may I add to Angela Ryan's last note that I have also been waiting for weeks for VIII and then was extremely remiss in not also noting the belly laughs that I get from your ripping into the Toad and his Toadies. I can only wish I was as masterful with the pen.

I await IX with 'bated breath.

Soul intact,just for the meek who inherit

The shame is that despite the leal advice being positive and the economic advise being a goer,the ABC Board vetoed permission to publish and refused to explain or be interviewed about it,and left it to lower management to carry the can and obviously not permitting them to say who was responsible for the decision.

This is surely not what the ABC Board is supposed to do, and why is there such silence about such "editorial" manipulation for political or personal- we do not know what the reason is as none have  explained. How dare they,we pay their salary,our gov installed them,they are beholden to we the people,so explain, mateys!).

This cannot be about Alan Jones being . Gay as it is well spoken of among footy circles, and why be ashamed of it? Of course the arrest in the UK is a bit dodgy but everyone stuffs up sometimes and it is a long flight.  As long as it is with the seniors it is no-one else's business and no big deal. Make for much more interesting morning talkback anyway. Besides,prudence is the best policy of all to follow.

 No,this is about Liberal party power control in the media and public domain manipulation of the average persons thoughts. The Flint affair is a prime example.

Can't wait for the book.  Shall add it to Latham's diaries and Ming's.

And C S Lewis.


ps No Malcolm,only Beazely can lead the Labor party,that is clear in that he still is despite such an appalling poll in such consistant figures.the elecotrate hate him,and others poll higher , yet some kind of fixative keeps him in that seat. Campbell thinks he can acetone it away but not with that accent mate.

Really both sides are the same anyway in the big picture ,so why not have a mixed cabinet? Best and favourite in each role.Awards later. Bit like the Dems and the Republicans. Bit like all the barristers off to a drink together to the same club after a court show. I too,would have had unquestioning admiration but for those bulldogs and that very long sentence for the same crime.Sometimes a googly is bowled on the last ball to win, sometimes it is rolled. Public office is a very hard role to survive soul intact.

So cruel, so unwarranted

I'll do this myself rather than leaving it to old Tom (bit late in the bar tonight). What's with the 'barristers' comment Angela Ryan?    Of course we have a drink afterwards (those of us worth our salt).    It doesn't mean we are compromised or fall into the other camp - it just means we are able to enage in healthy disagreement - remember Christmas on the Somme - same ethos different sides?

Why doesn't anyone  just try a little compliment for a change and say - shit that's funny - good thing you don't have any assets?  Of course, no-one here will want to do any such thing when we get into Book the Second - Magician's Nephew indeed.

Ok malcolm,ok ok ok ok , it was f***ing funny

Malcolm!!!! You absolutely shock me!!! Surely you realise that I had already read your chapter when it first emerged  (awaiting as I had been with a greater baited breath than for Mdm Rowlings!). I ,mea culpa(especially me wine cup, in it not for once),had failed miserably to realise the sensitive soul beneath the artistic master.

It felt unnecessary to write  how much I had enjoyed it,sing praises,all that,as I had thought you knew it was beautiful.hence my comment elsewhere about thee and he(P. W.).  I guess , having not the talent myself to write as you lot i forgot how vulenrable one is to comments slung. I do hope the Syndicated authors have tough skin, have been a bit unclawed there. Even writing comments is fraught with ego damage as those who wish smash against one's vulnerable complexes with their hatchets if one treads upon their treasured toe, may it be clipped back properly as required by civilised circles.

Remember it is those who seem the strongest and most talented that we forget to give postive reinforcement to,hence I suspect everyone reads and admires,with  mirth without even thinking thee may be unaware or not assume it. Some presume one has a strong ego intact and that is healthy very necessary in the world of politics and law.

As to Barristers. True, the world would be better if we could have a permanent christmas at the Somme,that was so beautifully sad. I have seen a barrister savage a witness in a childabuse case, most cruelly and then at the end of the case expect all to shake hands and have drinks. I accept the duty of the defence and prosecutor but sometimes think it becomes a game to win rather than seeking the truth of the event,i do think the French system better in some situations.

Then again,with the NSWdeputy prosecutor now accused of Child Porn and his career scarred with this even if innocent ,I can see there is a case for strong defence. Hard. This child porn issue is very easy to plant on people's computers,especiallly something to consider when people have positions of power over organised criminals, as to whether they are prosecuted or not.  

Dear friends had porn downloaded one night behind the computer browsing without any sign other than slowing. They then received a bill for 100 bucks. When I investigated the computer harddrive I found the most disgusting porn,including videos etc and noted the download time, over three hours during a particular night.I got our whizzcomputer mate to search and confirm.

It was very lucky for the males in that house that they were properly accounted for at that time. I know of one other who works locally  who has had this happen and read of a few on the internet and wonder if it is a scam,a but like the Roahl Dahl story in Kisskiss, where bills for porn books were sent to grieving widows who paid quicky, even more upset.

The point is, how very easy it would be to destroy the career of a professional or public figure who is not toeing the line and who goes on the internet or shares files, and porn then "happens" to be found,so conveniently. I think this is the new possible method of blackmail,it used to be being a closet gay or adulterer.

Then again, there are clearly plenty who enjoy this evil material and they should be hunted down and pay a higher price for encouraging such horror to be perpetrated in the name of profit,including snuff films. Een they deserve teh innicent until proven guilty and should be protected from the public gaze until such. I know a friend who was destroyed publicly by a false allegation unproven in court after photoed in the paper and all.

That is why I am in two minds about Barristers,their job is very hard, their duty also, but I do think they should be more honest with themselves about the innocence or otherwise of their client and how the case is managed,....as most,yes i know almost all are. I don't think I have made myself very clear,sorry about that ,but it is a hard area to get one' mind around. I drink with you lot ,when I have to.

By all means drink at the bar, but do think of the carnage left behind zero point of the battle ,Somme.

Shit that Narnian piece was f***ing funny. Pleeeeease ,more.

I will never understand (an aside)

Why folks put so much effort into publicising their own shame by drawing attention to that which they don't want noticed.

Alan (yes dear) Jones doesn't want the book read, he knows it can't be stopped apparently so he gives lucky Chris all that newsprint.

I can't wait to see what's in it, though the rumour is there is some exposure to what could loosely be termed ho-hum issues relating to his choice on the left hand side of the bed. Who really cares? It isn't as though it's any big secret.

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