Webdiary - Founded and Inspired by Margo Kingston

Justin, indeed it is Sunday and I am not even going to brush my hair. I am meandering through Lady Chatterley's Lover and am struck by the deep loneliness involved in the protagonist, how her rebellion is bitter-sweet rather than arising from passion, and how the erotic really fails to solve that loneliness. I think it is the most ethical book I have ever read, except on one point: Lawrence is too unkind to Mr. Chatterley, he ought not be quite so cold and distant. Nevertheless my sympathy is with the heroine.

I watched a documentary on the making of the film version of Paul Bowles The Sheltering Sky, where Bowles, then an old man, says that the film brings some tenderness in to the characters that was absent from the novel, which was a little too icy. It is a book I read late last year and I could see types of people that I resemble. Hearing that one small comment has altered my whole framework: I have been too cold, too cynical, too.

"To me loving means loving you. There simply couldn't be anyone else."

It makes me think of Iran; Iranians have a sense of poetry, of love muted by rigid social orders. I think it must be so terribly lonely to be a woman living in a society where men are so disinterested in women. I think the social conditions of their society will sooner or later yield a D.H. Lawrence, but likely to be a woman rather than a man. Censorship is such a strange phenomenon, a kind of denial of human curiosity and exploration. I think Persian women in Australia might find themselves better able to adapt than you might expect. In Iran their society proceeds to ignore, shield and disengage with them. The loneliness of the foreign might resemble the loneliness of home. None of us should live in a world like that.

I think that physical, sensual experience is one of the only true methods of healing the psyche, that psychology is a great and tender lie. Its very professionalism prevents it from entering the world of the personal, where the pain lies, and from the physical, which can ease that pain. If our society is to heal from its wounds the way to do it is through the sense of touch. A kiss, an embrace, a union of one to another.

You make me wonder. I have had more lovers than friends. You're right, it is much harder to make friends than lovers, because friendship is work and lovers arise out of mutual need. I have had a rather gentlemanly but non-committal approach to the female sex, as if I were providing a service, rather than opening a heart. There always seems to be that sadness there, the one which is too wise to allow hope, the one that denies the possibility of a more permanent respite than a night, or two.

I am trying to make something more now, with my new friend. She is strong in all the ways that I am weak and weak in all the ways that I am strong. That might, at least, be a place to start.

Solomon, how does the old saying go: it is better to have loved than lost...

After losing your mind it would appear you have found it again, but what is the mind?

I wish I had your writing skills old chap, but when I splits me infinitives they stay split. Your words come from your heart partnered with eloquent innocence revealing your fears and hopes; fears and hopes most of us share (or have done) in a world that is unknowable, cruel and unforgiving.

Solomon, don't despair for there is a little bit of you in all of us, just as there is a little bit of all of us in you.

"Life was not meant to be easy, but take courage my child, it can be delightful."

At 24 years of age you have a long journey ahead. Somehow I think your heading in the right direction and when the time is right you will find your special friend, or she you. And I use the term friend, more so than lover, for we can all be lovers, but not everyone knows how to be good friends.

Must away, it's Sunday and brunch with my little slice of heaven, my best friend, my wife, my lover, my unexpected gift from this our wonderful universe.

I have seen and commented on it before but Scorcese's documentary (really only an assemblage of prior footage) on Bob Dylan, aired on SBS, was deeply moving and thought-provoking. I am told I look like the young Bob Dylan, though it is against my principles to look like Bob Dylan at all. I see portions of myself in him though, the way he raised hopes and then disappointed them, the way he evaded definitions and social pressures, the way he loved art and loathed politics but had his conscience draw him to say what was on his mind.

This time around what I witnessed was a man who disliked self-reflection immensely, who hated having a mirror held up to him, and who failed to see the gift that nature had bestowed on him with the beautiful, heart-breakingly talented Joan Baez. To hear her voice is to be defeated, to want to devote your life to her cause and her person (Lula was a Mexican the law  calls an alien, crossed the border with a baby and a wife). That Dylan was not defeated by her is a testament to his will-power and his stupidity.

Justin, I will be 24 this year and in the blink of an eye I won't be young anymore. I am spending six years on a law degree that should have only taken me five but in the middle of which I lost my mind. I wait with infinite patience for those in authority, who are, incidentally, older than myself, to make necessary changes to our society. The young people I am familiar with are hard to characterise, and, there are so many only a few years apart with whom I am totally unfamiliar.

I remember reading Baldwin a little while ago and recognising people like me and my friends, who betrayed one another thoughtlessly but without any animosity, who were a little too educated in useless things and perhaps a little too cynical and without compassion for one another. Yet I watch them, too, now, growing up, and I grow with them too. I am no longer cynical, but I am full of sadness and regret.

I could write a moving speech for you all. I could probably even write a folk song about peace. I think talent is often divorced from wisdom, and that sentiment achieves very little. But that is not my heart talking. 

I remember a time in my life when I had long hair and no direction and asked a girl to run away with me, only to hear her say no. I was 19. This year I ran away to Paris and asked a pretty South Korean girl if she would stay there with me forever, and, heard her say no, that Paris was fake. Sometimes I ask questions knowing they will be answered in the negative, but needing to ask them anyway. Nothing had changed, I was still lost, still ready to give it all away and start afresh, as a refugee from democracy and a free society that gave me every opportunity and offered me everything except hope.

Not all folk singers are good. Charles Manson was a folk singer. As I wake up from the coma of the past few years of university life, I learn that the girl who taught me that is getting married. The girl that taught me everything is getting married. The one girl who wanted me to run away with her, who wanted me to start afresh, who would have married me should I only have asked, is now lost to me in a particular way, and, though I mourn, though I wept, there is that still, slowly maturing sense that maybe there is an adult way to behave and then another path of deep self-indulgence.

There is a line in a Whitlams song: "If I had three lives, I'd marry you in two." This, I suppose, is my third life. I have begun a relationship with a Malaysian girl whom I have a deep affection for, and I suppose, I am dissenting from myself and living out a multicultural existense anyway. I certainly associate with all manner of people, politely, seriously, tactfully, hopelessly, desolately.

Young people love music, and, it defines their identity to the exclusion of all else. Sometimes this troubles me, that they are building a house on a very poor foundation. I actually bother to think about an issue like that. Other times my love of art transcends any concerns and I wish, I hope, that I am wrong.

They are all concerned with love, as I am, and as all young people should be. The business of living to me is in detecting false starts, false prophets, false hopes. I am entirely convinced that the younger generation will not make any kind of revolution, not even the revolution lite of the sixties. I wish for something subtler and more enduring, a kind of workmanship and slow commitment to self-improvement and improvement of society.

The world continues on, refusing to bend to my will or yield to my preferences. As it must. Really what is needed now is patience, endless patience.

No-one, strangely, seems to understand this better than our late-blooming Prime Minister. It is the key to his success and to his cruelty. Lord deliver me from ever being cruel again.

I almost had an aneurism last night when someone blamed "marketing consultants" for the term "Fair Work Australia" and the excessive and stupid repetition of the word "Fair" in Labor's policy document, on ABC's Difference of Opinion.

Institutions should not have value judgments in their titles. They should be wholly descriptive. There are two reasons for this: one, if a government loses power the next government will change the title, and two, because it encourages an impartiality and independence in the institution, and the ability to work meaningfully with any government.

No right-minded marketing consultant would recommend inane repetition as effective strategy. That is the kind of thing lifted from Orwell, or, Goebbels. It is reminiscent of Kevin Rudd's "Forks in the road" idiocy. The opposition leader is nevertheless responsible for this travesty against the English language. To be fair, he learned this from the master of mutilating language, John Winston Howard.

I have quite enjoyed some of the ACTU campaign and the counter-campaign by the government. The one flaw by the ACTU was the ads which portrayed business owners sitting around plotting how to exploit their workers. This was dumb for reasons which should be obvious. It will get employers off-side, which does not help the ALP. It is also divorced from the reality that employers are not intrinsically evil but rather subject to a variety of pressures and responsibilities. No advertising campaign divorced from reality ever works.

Advertising is truth, thoughtfully expressed.

Thank you for your kind words. I was "down" yesterday because of the quantity of overt and covert personal attacks still being posted – and having to be treated with kid gloves – when what Webdiarists should be doing is debating the many issues that have such huge implications for Australia's future.

Let's get on with it, OK?

Poor Fiona, sounds like you're  feeling a bit like the whale in hitchhikersguidetothegalaxy; but fear not you can be anything you want to be; but best stay away from fish bowls and flower pots.

..."tomorrow's another day" dear friend,  the passion will be restored and you will shine again and again and again.... 

Well said Solomon old chap, for a young lad you have promise:

"The future of democracy lies in the hands of the invisible people, the people who do the government's homework for them and act as mediators between the state and the individual."

I was only musing about that yesterday, and dear old Sol baby articulates it beautifully.

We need less government, more bloody good independent administrators, people who can develop policy, good honest hard working and dedicated community minded people working for our common good. 

But we don't want camels, We must figure out a way to get the mob to reach a consensus (on anything). If not we'll end up with a herd of camels, and our competitors will get the horses.

Keep thinking Solomon, we need all the lads like you we can get.

Cheers, from a tired old albatross looking forward to the next generation making things better.

Fiona: Old albatrosses do not die, they merely flip-flop.... (sorry Justin - just pecking and carping - don't know whether I'm fish or fowl, but this has been a foul day...).

Kevin Rudd's attack on polling today reveals his unprofessionalism and exposes Howard's grace and understanding of modern political practice. Credit where credit is due. He even borders on eloquence when he declares them to be a "distillation of attitudes" of people. It was polling that softened Workchoices: without a government that is responsive to the electorate, the ALP would cease to be an effective opposition. I think Kevin Rudd is a fine opposition leader and that is precisely what I hope he remains. He won't cut it as Prime Minister.

I would be the first to admit Howard's character flaws; however, there are solid reasons for his success and I am distinctly bored by the attacks on the noble and effective discipline of public relations research and practice. Journalism is dead. The future of democracy lies in the hands of the invisible people, the people who do the government's homework for them and act as mediators between the state and the individual.

Now this is rich:

He said Dr Haneef's family wanted compensation for lost income and damage to his reputation, though his client had not, as yet, asked him to pursue civil actions against the Government.

What chance Dr Haneef suing his cousins for damaging his reputation, I wonder?

"said toe has apparently developed a deep affection for the genteel man ..."

I'm not a genteel. But sure, some of my best friends are genteels.

America is closing her borders so that one of its leaders can sell homeland security services.  A president who was elected to lead and not to read is being asked to choose between options without understanding the details inherent in the choices.  The US leadership would not be afraid to let loose a bomb in an American city if it would serve a purpose.  All these activities are far removed from the true teachings of Christianity.

This was the blatant subtext of the Simpsons Movie.  Now that's what I call dog-wagging.

Carlyle became Cargyll, KBR became SPD.  It all restored my faith in karma.
 

"MEMBERSHIP, O'Boady? What sly ungodly licentiousness! Wash your mouth, and your smalls out and say three hundred Hail Marys."

Brother Struggle Street or should I say St. Brother Struggle. It appears yours truly now has two members of the sloth dishing out penance; the dear Father Michael Park and your good self.

I would however like to inform you I much prefer my penance in a glass, bottle, bucket, 44 gallon drum, old shoe, thimble, nah not thimble or even, dare I say it, straight from the Vat or Can.

You must also realise, being short on digits and all, err less, it becomes very difficult to count to, er 300, even though I used to be able to do infinite calculus on one toe. It was unfortunate that said toe was severed in a melee some weeks ago.

The good news is that one Geoff Pahoff recovered said toe and  will be hopefully returning same (even though said toe has apparently developed a deep affection for the genteel man) in repayment of a long outstanding debt.

In the mean time it would be appreciated if the above penance could be credited to my account, and should the debt be recovered I shall gladly indulge such penance, but do insist said penance be prefixed with a "Bloody" rather than "Hail" and the verb "say" be replaced with "consume". If that is not too much as ask.

Finally, the aforementioned lassie was cute, in the superlative, having big brown eyes and the loveliest of tails; however, the Pal she had earlier pleasured, was still quite obviously on her breath (and whiskers), and was somewhat offputting.

We did however swap sims and I would quite happily forward same to your good self should your needs require.

And remember St Brother Struggle Street  always "stay brave and true".

Confessionally yours JO.

Michael de Angelos, thanks for the link to the Miranda Devine article. Have you noticed it exposes yet another flaw in Dr Haneef's story?

The thing that convinced me that Dr Haneef was genuine was being told that he had arranged leave with the Gold Coast Hospital for his visit to India to see his baby.

I assumed this was before the attacks. And immediately after the baby was born.

I assumed that if anything about the timing of the visit was not coincidental, then that can only have been because Dr Haneef's cousins decided to capitalise on his visiting his wife, using him as a possible decoy.

But Miranda Devine makes this very striking point:

This was the timeline: his baby was born in Bangalore on Tuesday, June 26. On Sunday, July 1, news broke in Australia about the failed bombing overnight at Glasgow Airport. Kafeel Ahmed and an associate had allegedly driven a Jeep laden with gas canisters and nails into a terminal building packed with families heading off on the first day of school holidays. On Monday, July 2, Haneef went to work at the Gold Coast Hospital and asked for emergency leave, saying his wife was unwell after giving birth. That night he was arrested at Brisbane Airport with a one-way ticket to India purchased the same day.

So, his supposed concern about the baby seems to have crystallised after the attacks in the UK. Not before, even though the baby was born a week before.

Add this to all the other deceptions on his behalf by this or that 'supporter' or 'commentator' - the leaked AFP transcript, the lies about the AFP writing in his diary, the spin cooked up on the chat room about visiting the baby, etc.

Then it's clear he should go and not come back, isn't it? I mean, really? Why would anyone go on pretending?

The fragrant columnist Miranda Devine is flailing at "rent a lawyers" today-is there any other ? ( as opposed to "rent a journalist"). Ms Devine is really upset that even some shock jocks can't see that Dr Haneef is clearly guilty and are actually blasting the whole process !.

She's even had a good dig at Dr Haneef's, and his rent-a-lawyer's ability to travel first class to Bangalore, unlike poor Miranda who had to settle for cattle class on the same flight. I don't blame her on that aspect-clearly the poor service and dis-comfort of her trip is the reason she produced nothing of interest in print previously by catching the same flight except that..umm.. Dr Haneef was in first class and she wasn't.

I had an on-going email relationship with dear Miranda over the Iraq War at it's beginnings-perhaps I should publish them-she ranted at me continually about being  completely ignorant of the great democracy that would soon flourish in the ME and the benefits to all mankind that would flow as a result ( maybe the oil as it hits an all-time high price today).

It will all settle down in Baghdad and "naysayers" like me will have egg on their faces soon was the gist of the last message around 2005-when she cut-off all contact.

Fortunately  AFP Commissioner Mick Clouseau Keelty is still probing the case of the Doctor Who Got Away-now that a damning dossier has surfaced in India. The master detective got wind of it via SBS. Always on the ball that one.

The Coalition have taken Keating's advice-when all else fails ( a wedge for instance) throw the switch to vaudeville !

Hi there y'all ,

Just thought I'd drop you a line from down town Baghad.

I had a wonderful and event free flight to the Baghdad international airprort. The lassie sitting next to me invited me to join the mile high club, but I explained the 50mgs of valium and bottle of Black Douglas I ingested had already ensured my membership to such a club.

Anyway I digress. Landed safely this morning and I was welcomed by all and sundry;  in fact the local population were so pleased to see me they kindly turned on the best firworks display I've ever seen, all the way from the airport to my cousin's residence in Haifa Street - all in my honour I was told, it must have cost a bloody fortune but they assured me that Mr Halley and Mr Burton had ample fireworks for years to come, all compliments or the good American taxpayer

Baghdad is a wonderful place and our American friends along with the local tribes commonly known as the Sonnys and Chers have been doing a wonderful job at rennovating the whole town. In fact they have knocked down many of the old slums and they all promise that when rebuilt we will have one of the most modern cities in the ME.

The new democratic governmnet in Iraq is one of the most progressive and forward thinking on the planet - truly. The major policy here is to fight global warming. Boy have they gone out of their way to alleviate any concerns  the locals have of contributing to same; as such they have wisely cut back on Iraqis' use of electricity, to about three minutes a day. The Iraqi government must be the envy of the world just for this policy alone.

Of cousre it gets pretty hot in summer but all the holes in the walls or our appartment (compliments of the Sonnys, Chers and our good American friends) do at least allow for ample ventilation. 

Apparently yesterday the local Sonny mob engaged in the construction of a new swimming pool for all the youngsters. There is a bloody great big hole in the ground, just round the corner, that should be completely full of water as soon as it rains. How thougthful of them.

The Americans are really cool and apparently make regular visits to my cousins' place to ensure all is OK. They are such nice guys and always inquire about the whereabouts, health and welfare of my cousins, help rearrange the furniture and sometimes even take my cousins with them for board games and other electrifying past times.

Many are also good Christians an claim that money is the root of all evil. As such they quite often relieve my cousins of their evil.

The Sonnys, Chers and Americans do enjoy each others' company and can be seen on a daily basis playing Cowboys and Indians and still celebrate the old British Empires' occupation with bonfires each and every night.

Also the Sonnys and Chers have a wondeful sense of humour, so much so that many of the locals are found on most mornings lying in the streets having laughed their heads off.

The local economy is also going gangbusters and many Iraqis are so well off that many go on extended holidays to neigbouring countries.

The American of course just love our kiddies and have supplied generous amounts of DU just so we won't lose sight of our kiddies after dark. So thoughtful don't you think.

Anyway that's about it for now, but everything they say about this place is true. Especially that well known saying: "see Baghdad and die".

Love and kisses to y'all,

A very relaxed and comfortable,

Dr Justin Obodie.

PS, I'm inviting all my Australain cousins over for Christmas, I'm sure they just can't wait.

PPS, Tomorrow I'll be visiting a special place called the Green Zone; now why didn't John Howard or Kevin Rudd think of that.

Get these slanderous louts into court. Howard's already accused you of "still being a terrorist". Take them to the cleaners. We may never get the PM into a war crimes court but to have his golden days taken up defending a libel action would be pure joy. Imagine how you could demolish his character compared to yours – years of lying to the public and all on record!

PS: to the AFP: if you call around to sneak a look at my computer and anything else, leave the house tidy. Shoes left at the front door please! By all means make yourselves a cup of tea.

We're an empire now, and when we act, we create our own reality. And while you're studying that reality -- judiciously, as you will -- we'll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too, and that's how things will sort out.

We're history's actors . . . and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do.

http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,22169288-953,00.html

As Andrews bumbles around like a clown Scotland Yard have finally come clean and the media have shown they will show Andrews and the cops here no mercy for the lies and distortions.

Dateline's interview with the wife will be interesting - don't forget to watch it.

http://www.austlii.edu.au//cgi-bin/disp.pl/au/cases/cth/federal_ct/2004/774.html?query=godley

This is the case law that Bennett said is not relevant - the other case he cited is not reported so it is hard to know if it ever existed but this one makes it clear that Bennett has been bought off.

"You nit-picking simpletons... you'll trust me after the dirty-underwear bomb goes off!  The bastards have been feeding Kim Beasley baked beans and vindaloo for months, and they're probably priming him in his Sydney flat as we speak, and when it hits the fan it will really hit the fan.

Where's my contract from 60 Minutes?  Jesus, even ten grand from Today Tonight will be enough for a bar-fridge and a couple of slabs.  What's Handkerchief  got that I haven't?  Charisma, you say, well you can stick that up your bloody khyber...

At least I'm no jelly-back.  No jelly-front either, in spite of what they tell you.

What's that you say, Phlopalong Phil?  No Parkin? Great Scott,  how would I ruddy know where the CommCar's parked?  You can't get decent "help" these days...

Make-up!!!

[extract]

STEPHANIE KENNEDY: Scotland Yard has told the ABC that investigations of this nature are fast-moving, complex and dynamic. Information shared by law enforcement agencies is continually updated and reviewed as further details come to light as a result of further inquiries.

JOHN O'CONNOR: Well, I think the statement is a fudge and it's being economical with the truth.

STEPHANIE KENNEDY: John O'Connor is a former commander at Scotland Yard and he's accused the British police of sloppy detective work.

JOHN O'CONNOR: It doesn't matter how fast moving, complex and dynamic this inquiry was, what doesn't change are the facts. And it's the facts which have been relayed incorrectly and led to the Federal Police in Australia arresting Haneef, and to my view I think it's unforgivable, given information which is either incorrect, glossed or deliberately passed over to them.

The driving force behind this was a bit of glory hunting. If they pass on information to the Federal Police in Australia and the Federal Police end up with uncovering a terrorist cell and preventing terrorist incidents, then Scotland Yard will claim the credit for it, and that may indeed be the driving force behind this. If that is the case, it needs to be rooted out, it needs to be exposed and I think there is some apologies that are due.

STEPHANIE KENNEDY: Do you think both police forces were in too much of a hurry to lay charges against Dr Haneef?

JOHN O'CONNOR: Well, I think Scotland Yard are privately telling the media in this country that they didn't ask the Australians to arrest Haneef. And there may be some truth in that, because had they had any evidence, they would've applied for extradition, and clearly they didn't do that.

So it might very well be that the Australians should've spent a little bit more time on corroborating the information and really checking on the source and making sure that it was right and getting something in writing.

STEPHANIE KENNEDY: Who should be embarrassed here, Scotland Yard or the Australian Federal Police?

JOHN O'CONNOR: I think Scotland Yard for the main part, but the Federal Police in Australia should accept some of the responsibility, because it seems to me that they may have acted prematurely in what they did, but bearing in mind they put their trust and their belief in what they were told by Scotland Yard.

So I think it requires an investigation to get to the exact facts of what the Australian authorities were told.

Interview with Sajjan Gohel, a terror analyst with the Asia-Pacific Foundation in London.

[transcript extract] 

Gohel: Now, the situation began to spiral very quickly because there was a perception that Dr Mohamed Haneef was directly connected to the particular plot. We now know differently.

I would say the attention in the UK on him has somewhat subsided over the last couple of weeks. It hasn't been as intense as it has been in Australia, particularly because British authorities moved away from linking him with the plot, they didn't believe him to be an essential part of it. In fact, they didn't think he was directly connected, and they didn't need him to be extradited.

I think in Australia, to take in a number of different turns, which is why there's been so much focus on him.

Dear Kevin Andrews gravely announced the highly secret information that gave him reason to cancel Dr Haneef's visa, complete with the accusation about the good doctor's hasty efforts to "flee" Australia plus some innocuous email communications!.

This worries me even more, given the amount of publicity given to the "one way ticket" inference that obviously indicates one is intent on something sinister. I've been investigating this option since I do travel frequently to Asia and my European friends who live there have long told me about the deals I can get on a one-way ticket to Oz which are spectacularly cheap. Now I know – having allowed a suspect German to use my SIM card – that leaving Australia without a return ticket could land me in the clutches of the AFP for 27 days (given my family history).

Andrews' press conference indicated just one thing to me: that Dr Haneef and the brother he spoke to were indeed correct and that Haneef's decision to leave Brisbane was the correct one, given what has happened since.

So it seems Andrews will bluff it out as well and first indications are the media – as is its wont – will reverse it's stand and promote the government charade.

And you though Franz Kafka was just a fiction writer.

"Richard: No worries. So does the good Father have a method of calculating the size of your tithe? "

Let's say we come to an arrangement on that one; but at least the good Father assures me it's tax deductible.

PS. With all the taxis the good Father has to hire I believe he needs a very large tithe.

PPS. A tithe in time saves lime.

Sorry Richard, I shall add this oversight to my long list of sins that will be addressed at the appropriate time by the good Father.

BTW what's a comments box? Is it the thing Father Park insists I put all my cash in every Fryday ;-)

Richard: No worries.  So does the good Father have a method of calculating the size of your tithe?

Father Michael Park it has become obvious why Mr Rudd has been so silent about this fiasco. In fact I have just been notified by my American contacts that Rudd has been part of a sneaky sleeper cell (phoney) and has carried out the new Pearl Harbour on our American friends.

I would advise you to dig a very deep hole, gather all your black ale, reds, whites, blondes or whatever. 

I’m packing death and have made this post while in flight to a safer place.

PS. Looks like we will have to do the confessional thing by snail mail from here on.

PPS. Couldn’t lend me a few (thousand) stamps old chap? Didn’t have time to buy any and there is lots to confess.

PPPS. In this the year of the Pig, don’t say I didn’t warn you all.

PPPPS.

Richard:  PPPPPS Justin could you type your comments directly into the box?  Fixing the fonts gives me the TS

And, of course, that should read "Mr Rudduck". I need a drink.

Richard:  Is it Church Block day at the rectory?

He, he, he he.

In recent times, I have been seen in a bar near there - in the Capitol Hilton - having bets on the outcome of Gridiron finals games. Serious discussions involving the payment of alcohol debts in Budweiser or Samuel Adams were entered into.

The barman, who came originally from England - or didn't - , spent a little time on the phone to his bookie. I never found out if it was John or not. He was intrigued that I, on my "cell", could cycle between telcos for the best rate.

Perhaps Mr Rudd will come knocking on my door to check my "cell" phone bills? Perhaps he will offer to pay for them?

I wound up paying my weekend football debts in hard currency: Jack Daniels. Can't remember the exchange rate we worked out between Buds, Adams and JD.

I lost and spent a day in full-on recovery. Washington looked a little like the picture that particular day...

Father Park

Returning from my last visit to Asia I was searched from head to toe and my mobile phone SIM card was taken away to be examined.

I offered up another SIM card I had purchased in Vietnam to use there. They also took that away for examination.

But I've only just remembered: I frequented a bar in Vietnam run by a very affable German who my friend told me had a "colourful" past and on further enquiries my friend would only say, "Put it this way - he's in no hurry to return to Germany and arrived here years ago with a lot of cash".

My problem: I allowed the German bar-owner to use my mobile phone twice one night when his battery was low – supposedly to phone "his girlfriend".

Should I expect a deportation order any day from Kevin? Even though I'm an Aussie citizen? We know that won't make much difference.