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Unreality TV wagging the dog

We have received this urgent communication from a Webdiary contributor, and have followed his request to pass this warning on to Webdiarists as well as to the terrorism hotline - "be alight not aligned".

Hi David & Margo,

As a good Australian who is a patriot and stupid I would like to bring it to your attention that we may have a problem, or rather the Yanks may have a problem.

Best send this pic to the AFP, the CIA and M15 to make sure we can feel relaxed and comfortable.

It would appear Mr Rudd has plans; the attached evidence was found in a simcard sent to me by my cousin Mr Andrews who is the cousin of Mr Kelty who is the cousin of Mr Ruddock who is the cousin of a Mr Downer who is the cousin of a Mr Howard who is the cousin of a Mr Bush who is the cousin of Osama bin Laden who once stood at the very spot where Mr Rudd is standing now. Now if that is not proof I don't know what is.

It is an obvious plan to attack the liberties of all freedom loving people.

If this is not evidence then I don't know what is.

Save us David and warn the world, or at least the contributors of Webdiary, if you are game.

Cheers JO

PS. There was also a saved message on the simcard from Mr Bush who referred to Mr Howard as "my benign polyp". Got know idea what Mr Bush was talking about so we may need to save this piece of evidence just in case Rudd gets bail.

[added new evidence from JO]

Dear Margo & David
I fear we are too late. I have just had word from my contacts in America that Rudd is in a state of full blown terrorism. Meow Rushmore is being attacked as we speak. The Yanks are really pissed.
I am making this post from Sydney Airport, and boy am I packing death. It looks like bunker busters for Christmas, if not before.
For all my dear friends at WD it's time to stock up on duct tape and vegemite, me? well you know the old saying: "like pollies from a sinking ship".
Anyway I can hear them calling my plane and I have booked a one way to Baghdad, where life is beautiful all the time, ha ha he he ha ha.
Shit the men in the white coats, best run.
Shaking like a leaf.
Dr Justin Obodie.
Actually my wife is having kittens; that' my story and I'm sticking to it, even if the bastards don't believe me.

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Friends and lovers

Justin, indeed it is Sunday and I am not even going to brush my hair. I am meandering through Lady Chatterley's Lover and am struck by the deep loneliness involved in the protagonist, how her rebellion is bitter-sweet rather than arising from passion, and how the erotic really fails to solve that loneliness. I think it is the most ethical book I have ever read, except on one point: Lawrence is too unkind to Mr. Chatterley, he ought not be quite so cold and distant. Nevertheless my sympathy is with the heroine.

I watched a documentary on the making of the film version of Paul Bowles The Sheltering Sky, where Bowles, then an old man, says that the film brings some tenderness in to the characters that was absent from the novel, which was a little too icy. It is a book I read late last year and I could see types of people that I resemble. Hearing that one small comment has altered my whole framework: I have been too cold, too cynical, too.

"To me loving means loving you. There simply couldn't be anyone else."

It makes me think of Iran; Iranians have a sense of poetry, of love muted by rigid social orders. I think it must be so terribly lonely to be a woman living in a society where men are so disinterested in women. I think the social conditions of their society will sooner or later yield a D.H. Lawrence, but likely to be a woman rather than a man. Censorship is such a strange phenomenon, a kind of denial of human curiosity and exploration. I think Persian women in Australia might find themselves better able to adapt than you might expect. In Iran their society proceeds to ignore, shield and disengage with them. The loneliness of the foreign might resemble the loneliness of home. None of us should live in a world like that.

I think that physical, sensual experience is one of the only true methods of healing the psyche, that psychology is a great and tender lie. Its very professionalism prevents it from entering the world of the personal, where the pain lies, and from the physical, which can ease that pain. If our society is to heal from its wounds the way to do it is through the sense of touch. A kiss, an embrace, a union of one to another.

You make me wonder. I have had more lovers than friends. You're right, it is much harder to make friends than lovers, because friendship is work and lovers arise out of mutual need. I have had a rather gentlemanly but non-committal approach to the female sex, as if I were providing a service, rather than opening a heart. There always seems to be that sadness there, the one which is too wise to allow hope, the one that denies the possibility of a more permanent respite than a night, or two.

I am trying to make something more now, with my new friend. She is strong in all the ways that I am weak and weak in all the ways that I am strong. That might, at least, be a place to start.

It can be delightful

Solomon, how does the old saying go: it is better to have loved than lost...

After losing your mind it would appear you have found it again, but what is the mind?

I wish I had your writing skills old chap, but when I splits me infinitives they stay split. Your words come from your heart partnered with eloquent innocence revealing your fears and hopes; fears and hopes most of us share (or have done) in a world that is unknowable, cruel and unforgiving.

Solomon, don't despair for there is a little bit of you in all of us, just as there is a little bit of all of us in you.

"Life was not meant to be easy, but take courage my child, it can be delightful."

At 24 years of age you have a long journey ahead. Somehow I think your heading in the right direction and when the time is right you will find your special friend, or she you. And I use the term friend, more so than lover, for we can all be lovers, but not everyone knows how to be good friends.

Must away, it's Sunday and brunch with my little slice of heaven, my best friend, my wife, my lover, my unexpected gift from this our wonderful universe.

Rolling stones

I have seen and commented on it before but Scorcese's documentary (really only an assemblage of prior footage) on Bob Dylan, aired on SBS, was deeply moving and thought-provoking. I am told I look like the young Bob Dylan, though it is against my principles to look like Bob Dylan at all. I see portions of myself in him though, the way he raised hopes and then disappointed them, the way he evaded definitions and social pressures, the way he loved art and loathed politics but had his conscience draw him to say what was on his mind.

This time around what I witnessed was a man who disliked self-reflection immensely, who hated having a mirror held up to him, and who failed to see the gift that nature had bestowed on him with the beautiful, heart-breakingly talented Joan Baez. To hear her voice is to be defeated, to want to devote your life to her cause and her person (Lula was a Mexican the law  calls an alien, crossed the border with a baby and a wife). That Dylan was not defeated by her is a testament to his will-power and his stupidity.

Justin, I will be 24 this year and in the blink of an eye I won't be young anymore. I am spending six years on a law degree that should have only taken me five but in the middle of which I lost my mind. I wait with infinite patience for those in authority, who are, incidentally, older than myself, to make necessary changes to our society. The young people I am familiar with are hard to characterise, and, there are so many only a few years apart with whom I am totally unfamiliar.

I remember reading Baldwin a little while ago and recognising people like me and my friends, who betrayed one another thoughtlessly but without any animosity, who were a little too educated in useless things and perhaps a little too cynical and without compassion for one another. Yet I watch them, too, now, growing up, and I grow with them too. I am no longer cynical, but I am full of sadness and regret.

I could write a moving speech for you all. I could probably even write a folk song about peace. I think talent is often divorced from wisdom, and that sentiment achieves very little. But that is not my heart talking. 

I remember a time in my life when I had long hair and no direction and asked a girl to run away with me, only to hear her say no. I was 19. This year I ran away to Paris and asked a pretty South Korean girl if she would stay there with me forever, and, heard her say no, that Paris was fake. Sometimes I ask questions knowing they will be answered in the negative, but needing to ask them anyway. Nothing had changed, I was still lost, still ready to give it all away and start afresh, as a refugee from democracy and a free society that gave me every opportunity and offered me everything except hope.

Not all folk singers are good. Charles Manson was a folk singer. As I wake up from the coma of the past few years of university life, I learn that the girl who taught me that is getting married. The girl that taught me everything is getting married. The one girl who wanted me to run away with her, who wanted me to start afresh, who would have married me should I only have asked, is now lost to me in a particular way, and, though I mourn, though I wept, there is that still, slowly maturing sense that maybe there is an adult way to behave and then another path of deep self-indulgence.

There is a line in a Whitlams song: "If I had three lives, I'd marry you in two." This, I suppose, is my third life. I have begun a relationship with a Malaysian girl whom I have a deep affection for, and I suppose, I am dissenting from myself and living out a multicultural existense anyway. I certainly associate with all manner of people, politely, seriously, tactfully, hopelessly, desolately.

Young people love music, and, it defines their identity to the exclusion of all else. Sometimes this troubles me, that they are building a house on a very poor foundation. I actually bother to think about an issue like that. Other times my love of art transcends any concerns and I wish, I hope, that I am wrong.

They are all concerned with love, as I am, and as all young people should be. The business of living to me is in detecting false starts, false prophets, false hopes. I am entirely convinced that the younger generation will not make any kind of revolution, not even the revolution lite of the sixties. I wish for something subtler and more enduring, a kind of workmanship and slow commitment to self-improvement and improvement of society.

The world continues on, refusing to bend to my will or yield to my preferences. As it must. Really what is needed now is patience, endless patience.

No-one, strangely, seems to understand this better than our late-blooming Prime Minister. It is the key to his success and to his cruelty. Lord deliver me from ever being cruel again.


I almost had an aneurism last night when someone blamed "marketing consultants" for the term "Fair Work Australia" and the excessive and stupid repetition of the word "Fair" in Labor's policy document, on ABC's Difference of Opinion.

Institutions should not have value judgments in their titles. They should be wholly descriptive. There are two reasons for this: one, if a government loses power the next government will change the title, and two, because it encourages an impartiality and independence in the institution, and the ability to work meaningfully with any government.

No right-minded marketing consultant would recommend inane repetition as effective strategy. That is the kind of thing lifted from Orwell, or, Goebbels. It is reminiscent of Kevin Rudd's "Forks in the road" idiocy. The opposition leader is nevertheless responsible for this travesty against the English language. To be fair, he learned this from the master of mutilating language, John Winston Howard.

I have quite enjoyed some of the ACTU campaign and the counter-campaign by the government. The one flaw by the ACTU was the ads which portrayed business owners sitting around plotting how to exploit their workers. This was dumb for reasons which should be obvious. It will get employers off-side, which does not help the ALP. It is also divorced from the reality that employers are not intrinsically evil but rather subject to a variety of pressures and responsibilities. No advertising campaign divorced from reality ever works.

Advertising is truth, thoughtfully expressed.

Justin, Kathy, and Paul

Thank you for your kind words. I was "down" yesterday because of the quantity of overt and covert personal attacks still being posted – and having to be treated with kid gloves – when what Webdiarists should be doing is debating the many issues that have such huge implications for Australia's future.

Let's get on with it, OK?

Tomorrow's another day..

Poor Fiona, sounds like you're  feeling a bit like the whale in hitchhikersguidetothegalaxy; but fear not you can be anything you want to be; but best stay away from fish bowls and flower pots.

..."tomorrow's another day" dear friend,  the passion will be restored and you will shine again and again and again.... 


"I wonder if we'll be friends ?"

Careful, Justin, you are utilising a dangerous metaphor to the point of mortal peril! (especially in the feminine, tu comprends?  (pardon me for speaking in the familiar, I didn't think you'd mind)

Food for thoughts

Thank you Justin. Have another herring.

Scarlet Thoughts

Justin only eats herrings when they are red. Some kind of dietary restriction or something.

Fiona: Fine by me, Geoff. He can eat as many red ones as he likes.

Thank you Fiona

For Fiona.


Hast thou named all the birds without a gun:
Loved the wood-rose, and left it on its stalk:
At rich men's tables eaten bread and pulse;
Unarmed, faced danger with a heart of trust;
And love so well a high behaviour
In man or maid, that thou from speech refrained,
Nobility more nobly to repay?-
O be my friend, and teach me to be thine!

Richard: I think Fiona's gone to bed.  More's the pity.. this would send anyone to sleep with a smile on their face ;) 

Well said Solomon old chap,

Well said Solomon old chap, for a young lad you have promise:

"The future of democracy lies in the hands of the invisible people, the people who do the government's homework for them and act as mediators between the state and the individual."

I was only musing about that yesterday, and dear old Sol baby articulates it beautifully.

We need less government, more bloody good independent administrators, people who can develop policy, good honest hard working and dedicated community minded people working for our common good. 

But we don't want camels, We must figure out a way to get the mob to reach a consensus (on anything). If not we'll end up with a herd of camels, and our competitors will get the horses.

Keep thinking Solomon, we need all the lads like you we can get.

Cheers, from a tired old albatross looking forward to the next generation making things better.

Fiona: Old albatrosses do not die, they merely flip-flop.... (sorry Justin - just pecking and carping - don't know whether I'm fish or fowl, but this has been a foul day...).


Kevin Rudd's attack on polling today reveals his unprofessionalism and exposes Howard's grace and understanding of modern political practice. Credit where credit is due. He even borders on eloquence when he declares them to be a "distillation of attitudes" of people. It was polling that softened Workchoices: without a government that is responsive to the electorate, the ALP would cease to be an effective opposition. I think Kevin Rudd is a fine opposition leader and that is precisely what I hope he remains. He won't cut it as Prime Minister.

I would be the first to admit Howard's character flaws; however, there are solid reasons for his success and I am distinctly bored by the attacks on the noble and effective discipline of public relations research and practice. Journalism is dead. The future of democracy lies in the hands of the invisible people, the people who do the government's homework for them and act as mediators between the state and the individual.

Loss of reputation

Now this is rich:

He said Dr Haneef's family wanted compensation for lost income and damage to his reputation, though his client had not, as yet, asked him to pursue civil actions against the Government.

What chance Dr Haneef suing his cousins for damaging his reputation, I wonder?

Stop Playing With Your Genteels. You'll Go Blind.

"said toe has apparently developed a deep affection for the genteel man ..."

I'm not a genteel. But sure, some of my best friends are genteels.

And Now- A Word From The Simpsons

America is closing her borders so that one of its leaders can sell homeland security services.  A president who was elected to lead and not to read is being asked to choose between options without understanding the details inherent in the choices.  The US leadership would not be afraid to let loose a bomb in an American city if it would serve a purpose.  All these activities are far removed from the true teachings of Christianity.

This was the blatant subtext of the Simpsons Movie.  Now that's what I call dog-wagging.

Carlyle became Cargyll, KBR became SPD.  It all restored my faith in karma.

Inspector Clousseau wins again, hey Michael?

Michael de Angelos says:

Fortunately  AFP Commissioner Mick Clouseau Keelty is still probing the case of the Doctor Who Got Away, now that a damning dossier has surfaced in India. The master detective got wind of it via SBS. Always on the ball that one.

Inspector Clousseau was right.

Frere Jihad - Only three hundred?

"MEMBERSHIP, O'Boady? What sly ungodly licentiousness! Wash your mouth, and your smalls out and say three hundred Hail Marys."

Brother Struggle Street or should I say St. Brother Struggle. It appears yours truly now has two members of the sloth dishing out penance; the dear Father Michael Park and your good self.

I would however like to inform you I much prefer my penance in a glass, bottle, bucket, 44 gallon drum, old shoe, thimble, nah not thimble or even, dare I say it, straight from the Vat or Can.

You must also realise, being short on digits and all, err less, it becomes very difficult to count to, er 300, even though I used to be able to do infinite calculus on one toe. It was unfortunate that said toe was severed in a melee some weeks ago.

The good news is that one Geoff Pahoff recovered said toe and  will be hopefully returning same (even though said toe has apparently developed a deep affection for the genteel man) in repayment of a long outstanding debt.

In the mean time it would be appreciated if the above penance could be credited to my account, and should the debt be recovered I shall gladly indulge such penance, but do insist said penance be prefixed with a "Bloody" rather than "Hail" and the verb "say" be replaced with "consume". If that is not too much as ask.

Finally, the aforementioned lassie was cute, in the superlative, having big brown eyes and the loveliest of tails; however, the Pal she had earlier pleasured, was still quite obviously on her breath (and whiskers), and was somewhat offputting.

We did however swap sims and I would quite happily forward same to your good self should your needs require.

And remember St Brother Struggle Street  always "stay brave and true".

Confessionally yours JO.

None so blind as those...

 Frère Jihad Ja says

Roger, ERII. One is overwhelmed at your faith in the Miranda 500 annual road rage race.

That's a good point, Frère Jihad. If you don't like the message, sneer at the messenger.

Entire divisions of left liberal impostors have been able to cocoon themselves in an anaesthetic fog that way for the better part of a century now.

And longer than that, baby ... but gimme shelter

ERII: "…cocoon themselves in an anaesthetic fog that way for the better part of a century now."

That's a bit unfair, old girl.  I mean, you wrap yourself in Buckingham Palace.

No, it was thousands of years of "anaesthetic", ERII.

And one wasn't sneering.  That was wild, unrestrained jeering as the Allies bombed your cities to ashes, especially Köln, Hamburg, Berlin, Hanover and Dresden.  Not forgetting what we did to you at Tobruk and El Alamein.

You people can never win, Your Majesty.  Watt Tyler will always come after you, even with a pointed stick or a scythe.  Your money is meaningless in the end, like your "free” markets.  Family love, mateship, sustenance and shelter is all.

Frère Jihad Jacques OAM née Woodforde, once had a dog of that name, died fighting trucks.  Probably a truckload of bloody tiles, too.  Sleep tight, youngster.  We don't hurt crowned heads, we just lop 'em.

Yet another Haneef fallacy exposed. It never ends.

Michael de Angelos, thanks for the link to the Miranda Devine article. Have you noticed it exposes yet another flaw in Dr Haneef's story?

The thing that convinced me that Dr Haneef was genuine was being told that he had arranged leave with the Gold Coast Hospital for his visit to India to see his baby.

I assumed this was before the attacks. And immediately after the baby was born.

I assumed that if anything about the timing of the visit was not coincidental, then that can only have been because Dr Haneef's cousins decided to capitalise on his visiting his wife, using him as a possible decoy.

But Miranda Devine makes this very striking point:

This was the timeline: his baby was born in Bangalore on Tuesday, June 26. On Sunday, July 1, news broke in Australia about the failed bombing overnight at Glasgow Airport. Kafeel Ahmed and an associate had allegedly driven a Jeep laden with gas canisters and nails into a terminal building packed with families heading off on the first day of school holidays. On Monday, July 2, Haneef went to work at the Gold Coast Hospital and asked for emergency leave, saying his wife was unwell after giving birth. That night he was arrested at Brisbane Airport with a one-way ticket to India purchased the same day.

So, his supposed concern about the baby seems to have crystallised after the attacks in the UK. Not before, even though the baby was born a week before.

Add this to all the other deceptions on his behalf by this or that 'supporter' or 'commentator' - the leaked AFP transcript, the lies about the AFP writing in his diary, the spin cooked up on the chat room about visiting the baby, etc.

Then it's clear he should go and not come back, isn't it? I mean, really? Why would anyone go on pretending?

Over the Falls with Moriarty

ERII, special agent: “So, his supposed concern about the baby seems to have crystallised after the attacks in the UK.”

And AFTER the sinister Vietnamese monk brought the US to its knees by incendiary self-sacrifice in Saigon all those years ago, for Yank TV. See the link, ERII? Both sinister, darkie religions weaving their evil web.

You can bet the New Guard Howard family of Canterbury was on the edge of their sofa back then, nearly spilling Milo™, staring goggle eyed at the Chrysler™ and barring front and back doors against the Yellow Peril, which is the same as today's Tourist Peril.

Then, as now, alert but not alarmed. Stiff-jawed and resolute, they knew the troopers would keep the heathen Reds at bay, as they had exterminated the blacks and the RCs on request for the public good. Each was as bad as the other and the jolly Muslim-Chinese-unionist threat. The troopers were very good on deploying against the unionists.

Of course, like all the Viet insurgents, Nelson Mandela and the unions, the monk was a terrorist and like two million of his country men deserved to die a hideous death.

Frère Jihad Jacques OAM née Woodforde, still a KGB full colonel late of Hanoi, never stood down by Yeltsin


ERII: “...the Miranda Devine article. Have you noticed it exposes yet another flaw in Dr Haneef's story?”

Roger, ERII. One is overwhelmed at your faith in the Miranda 500 annual road rage race.

Could we meet to discuss this at a convenient venue in The Rocks? Bring your chequebook. One has something of great value for you, freshly painted.

Frère Jihad Jacques OAM née Woodforde, any old iron, but resistant to Bangalore torpedoes

India owes SBS an apology

Michael de Angelos says:

Fortunately  AFP Commissioner Mick Clouseau Keelty is still probing the case of the Doctor Who Got Away-now that a damning dossier has surfaced in India. The master detective got wind of it via SBS. Always on the ball that one.

Yeah, the idiot cop. We always said Dr Haneef was an immigration risk, didn't we Michael?

Miranda still fuming

The fragrant columnist Miranda Devine is flailing at "rent a lawyers" today-is there any other ? ( as opposed to "rent a journalist"). Ms Devine is really upset that even some shock jocks can't see that Dr Haneef is clearly guilty and are actually blasting the whole process !.

She's even had a good dig at Dr Haneef's, and his rent-a-lawyer's ability to travel first class to Bangalore, unlike poor Miranda who had to settle for cattle class on the same flight. I don't blame her on that aspect-clearly the poor service and dis-comfort of her trip is the reason she produced nothing of interest in print previously by catching the same flight except that..umm.. Dr Haneef was in first class and she wasn't.

I had an on-going email relationship with dear Miranda over the Iraq War at it's beginnings-perhaps I should publish them-she ranted at me continually about being  completely ignorant of the great democracy that would soon flourish in the ME and the benefits to all mankind that would flow as a result ( maybe the oil as it hits an all-time high price today).

It will all settle down in Baghdad and "naysayers" like me will have egg on their faces soon was the gist of the last message around 2005-when she cut-off all contact.

Fortunately  AFP Commissioner Mick Clouseau Keelty is still probing the case of the Doctor Who Got Away-now that a damning dossier has surfaced in India. The master detective got wind of it via SBS. Always on the ball that one.

The Coalition have taken Keating's advice-when all else fails ( a wedge for instance) throw the switch to vaudeville !


Postcard from Baghdad

Hi there y'all ,

Just thought I'd drop you a line from down town Baghad.

I had a wonderful and event free flight to the Baghdad international airprort. The lassie sitting next to me invited me to join the mile high club, but I explained the 50mgs of valium and bottle of Black Douglas I ingested had already ensured my membership to such a club.

Anyway I digress. Landed safely this morning and I was welcomed by all and sundry;  in fact the local population were so pleased to see me they kindly turned on the best firworks display I've ever seen, all the way from the airport to my cousin's residence in Haifa Street - all in my honour I was told, it must have cost a bloody fortune but they assured me that Mr Halley and Mr Burton had ample fireworks for years to come, all compliments or the good American taxpayer

Baghdad is a wonderful place and our American friends along with the local tribes commonly known as the Sonnys and Chers have been doing a wonderful job at rennovating the whole town. In fact they have knocked down many of the old slums and they all promise that when rebuilt we will have one of the most modern cities in the ME.

The new democratic governmnet in Iraq is one of the most progressive and forward thinking on the planet - truly. The major policy here is to fight global warming. Boy have they gone out of their way to alleviate any concerns  the locals have of contributing to same; as such they have wisely cut back on Iraqis' use of electricity, to about three minutes a day. The Iraqi government must be the envy of the world just for this policy alone.

Of cousre it gets pretty hot in summer but all the holes in the walls or our appartment (compliments of the Sonnys, Chers and our good American friends) do at least allow for ample ventilation. 

Apparently yesterday the local Sonny mob engaged in the construction of a new swimming pool for all the youngsters. There is a bloody great big hole in the ground, just round the corner, that should be completely full of water as soon as it rains. How thougthful of them.

The Americans are really cool and apparently make regular visits to my cousins' place to ensure all is OK. They are such nice guys and always inquire about the whereabouts, health and welfare of my cousins, help rearrange the furniture and sometimes even take my cousins with them for board games and other electrifying past times.

Many are also good Christians an claim that money is the root of all evil. As such they quite often relieve my cousins of their evil.

The Sonnys, Chers and Americans do enjoy each others' company and can be seen on a daily basis playing Cowboys and Indians and still celebrate the old British Empires' occupation with bonfires each and every night.

Also the Sonnys and Chers have a wondeful sense of humour, so much so that many of the locals are found on most mornings lying in the streets having laughed their heads off.

The local economy is also going gangbusters and many Iraqis are so well off that many go on extended holidays to neigbouring countries.

The American of course just love our kiddies and have supplied generous amounts of DU just so we won't lose sight of our kiddies after dark. So thoughtful don't you think.

Anyway that's about it for now, but everything they say about this place is true. Especially that well known saying: "see Baghdad and die".

Love and kisses to y'all,

A very relaxed and comfortable,

Dr Justin Obodie.

PS, I'm inviting all my Australain cousins over for Christmas, I'm sure they just can't wait.

PPS, Tomorrow I'll be visiting a special place called the Green Zone; now why didn't John Howard or Kevin Rudd think of that.


1,760 yard high Klubbe of Derry

Jusin O'Boady, Fenien Tourist top of St Kevin L'Andrews' AFP slander sheet: "The lassie sitting next to me invited me to join the mile high club, but I explained the 50mgs of valium and bottle of Black Douglas I ingested had already ensured my membership to such a club."

MEMBERSHIP, O'Boady? What sly ungodly licentiousness! Wash your mouth, and your smalls out and say three hundred Hail Marys.

But quite right, and wise abstinence beyond your years, too, laddie. You want to stay clear of them Border Collies. They is trouble, even if they offer to clean up all the hair. Or rescue folk after horsefalls, mineshaft accidentss and blackhats tying them up fer ransom.

Skippy was always better value and deeply attractive in a certain light and frock for us people of the bush brought up on Banjo Paterson.

Ask St Kevin l'Android, an Albanian saint allegedly, according to his/her Enver Hoxha secret police file dossier (TONITE on SBS!! Tomorrow on AFP!!). Based in Calcutta.

And Black Whatsisname? Who said the IRA only drank good whiskey? Probably the same bored MI5 murdress who dreamed up the "must be a tourist" palaver on Dr Haneef's slander assistance sheet (TONITE on SBS!! Tomorrow on AFP!!).

Lock 'em up.

St Frère Jihad Jacques OAM née Woodforde of Torana, the fast moving, low slung capital of Albania, often seen at Bathurst, in a blue-barred veil, with a slew of decorative orphans

Please Please Sue Dr Haneef

Get these slanderous louts into court. Howard's already accused you of "still being a terrorist". Take them to the cleaners. We may never get the PM into a war crimes court but to have his golden days taken up defending a libel action would be pure joy. Imagine how you could demolish his character compared to yours – years of lying to the public and all on record!

PS: to the AFP: if you call around to sneak a look at my computer and anything else, leave the house tidy. Shoes left at the front door please! By all means make yourselves a cup of tea.


Memo Reichburglars: We find you in the house, we shoot you. OK? No questions, no warning shots, just simple .38 voice recognition language, two or three slap in the gob, and a couple in the chest, then we call the shopping channels etc, and an ambulance for the carcass and maybe even the cops. No need for any kind of doctor, except to stuff your "warrant" up your arse at the morgue.

It'll all be on in-house fillum too. For the PM's Imperial ute-yoob 5.30 follies. I bet that rates better than the Simpsons™.

Frère Jihad Jacques OAM née Woodforde SJ, President, National Rifled Association of the Arse End of the World, nothing to hide, nowhere to hide, no reason to hide, waiting for APEC™ with a sort of mad glee. But still doing the charitable hypnotherapy nonsense for clients like Jokka™.

The Neocon Creed...

We're an empire now, and when we act, we create our own reality. And while you're studying that reality -- judiciously, as you will -- we'll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too, and that's how things will sort out.

We're history's actors . . . and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do.

Scotland yard finally come clean


As Andrews bumbles around like a clown Scotland Yard have finally come clean and the media have shown they will show Andrews and the cops here no mercy for the lies and distortions.

Dateline's interview with the wife will be interesting - don't forget to watch it.

For anyone interested in the case law


This is the case law that Bennett said is not relevant - the other case he cited is not reported so it is hard to know if it ever existed but this one makes it clear that Bennett has been bought off.

Unreality Latewhine: Cowboy Kev and the Indian.

"You nit-picking simpletons... you'll trust me after the dirty-underwear bomb goes off!  The bastards have been feeding Kim Beasley baked beans and vindaloo for months, and they're probably priming him in his Sydney flat as we speak, and when it hits the fan it will really hit the fan.

Where's my contract from 60 Minutes?  Jesus, even ten grand from Today Tonight will be enough for a bar-fridge and a couple of slabs.  What's Handkerchief  got that I haven't?  Charisma, you say, well you can stick that up your bloody khyber...

At least I'm no jelly-back.  No jelly-front either, in spite of what they tell you.

What's that you say, Phlopalong Phil?  No Parkin? Great Scott,  how would I ruddy know where the CommCar's parked?  You can't get decent "help" these days...


And AM today


STEPHANIE KENNEDY: Scotland Yard has told the ABC that investigations of this nature are fast-moving, complex and dynamic. Information shared by law enforcement agencies is continually updated and reviewed as further details come to light as a result of further inquiries.

JOHN O'CONNOR: Well, I think the statement is a fudge and it's being economical with the truth.

STEPHANIE KENNEDY: John O'Connor is a former commander at Scotland Yard and he's accused the British police of sloppy detective work.

JOHN O'CONNOR: It doesn't matter how fast moving, complex and dynamic this inquiry was, what doesn't change are the facts. And it's the facts which have been relayed incorrectly and led to the Federal Police in Australia arresting Haneef, and to my view I think it's unforgivable, given information which is either incorrect, glossed or deliberately passed over to them.

The driving force behind this was a bit of glory hunting. If they pass on information to the Federal Police in Australia and the Federal Police end up with uncovering a terrorist cell and preventing terrorist incidents, then Scotland Yard will claim the credit for it, and that may indeed be the driving force behind this. If that is the case, it needs to be rooted out, it needs to be exposed and I think there is some apologies that are due.

STEPHANIE KENNEDY: Do you think both police forces were in too much of a hurry to lay charges against Dr Haneef?

JOHN O'CONNOR: Well, I think Scotland Yard are privately telling the media in this country that they didn't ask the Australians to arrest Haneef. And there may be some truth in that, because had they had any evidence, they would've applied for extradition, and clearly they didn't do that.

So it might very well be that the Australians should've spent a little bit more time on corroborating the information and really checking on the source and making sure that it was right and getting something in writing.

STEPHANIE KENNEDY: Who should be embarrassed here, Scotland Yard or the Australian Federal Police?

JOHN O'CONNOR: I think Scotland Yard for the main part, but the Federal Police in Australia should accept some of the responsibility, because it seems to me that they may have acted prematurely in what they did, but bearing in mind they put their trust and their belief in what they were told by Scotland Yard.

So I think it requires an investigation to get to the exact facts of what the Australian authorities were told.

This from Lateline last night

Interview with Sajjan Gohel, a terror analyst with the Asia-Pacific Foundation in London.

[transcript extract

Gohel: Now, the situation began to spiral very quickly because there was a perception that Dr Mohamed Haneef was directly connected to the particular plot. We now know differently.

I would say the attention in the UK on him has somewhat subsided over the last couple of weeks. It hasn't been as intense as it has been in Australia, particularly because British authorities moved away from linking him with the plot, they didn't believe him to be an essential part of it. In fact, they didn't think he was directly connected, and they didn't need him to be extradited.

I think in Australia, to take in a number of different turns, which is why there's been so much focus on him.

And so it's revealed

Dear Kevin Andrews gravely announced the highly secret information that gave him reason to cancel Dr Haneef's visa, complete with the accusation about the good doctor's hasty efforts to "flee" Australia plus some innocuous email communications!.

This worries me even more, given the amount of publicity given to the "one way ticket" inference that obviously indicates one is intent on something sinister. I've been investigating this option since I do travel frequently to Asia and my European friends who live there have long told me about the deals I can get on a one-way ticket to Oz which are spectacularly cheap. Now I know – having allowed a suspect German to use my SIM card – that leaving Australia without a return ticket could land me in the clutches of the AFP for 27 days (given my family history).

Andrews' press conference indicated just one thing to me: that Dr Haneef and the brother he spoke to were indeed correct and that Haneef's decision to leave Brisbane was the correct one, given what has happened since.

So it seems Andrews will bluff it out as well and first indications are the media – as is its wont – will reverse it's stand and promote the government charade.

And you though Franz Kafka was just a fiction writer.

And so it's revealed

Just found a copy of Kevin Andrews “ secret Documents”

To Kevin Andrews
RE “the Haneef Case’

Dear Mr Andrews,
In regards to Mr Haneef we now advise the following,

Hope this helps take the heat off you and the government

Yours sincerely

Fiona: Jason, you remind me of an incident from one of my favourite children's books, set in WW2, in which a woman receives what she thinks is a letter from her son, only to find in the envelope a typed slip from the Censor that read: "Your son is well, but too talkative". (Apologies, all, if I've already recounted this - it's been a hectic few days.)

Richard - I think so...

"Richard: No worries. So does the good Father have a method of calculating the size of your tithe? "

Let's say we come to an arrangement on that one; but at least the good Father assures me it's tax deductible.

PS. With all the taxis the good Father has to hire I believe he needs a very large tithe.

PPS. A tithe in time saves lime.

Sorry old chap

Sorry Richard, I shall add this oversight to my long list of sins that will be addressed at the appropriate time by the good Father.

BTW what's a comments box? Is it the thing Father Park insists I put all my cash in every Fryday ;-)

Richard: No worries.  So does the good Father have a method of calculating the size of your tithe?

I think it's too late - we are all in deep poo

Father Michael Park it has become obvious why Mr Rudd has been so silent about this fiasco. In fact I have just been notified by my American contacts that Rudd has been part of a sneaky sleeper cell (phoney) and has carried out the new Pearl Harbour on our American friends.

I would advise you to dig a very deep hole, gather all your black ale, reds, whites, blondes or whatever. 

I’m packing death and have made this post while in flight to a safer place.

PS. Looks like we will have to do the confessional thing by snail mail from here on.

PPS. Couldn’t lend me a few (thousand) stamps old chap? Didn’t have time to buy any and there is lots to confess.

PPPS. In this the year of the Pig, don’t say I didn’t warn you all.


Richard:  PPPPPS Justin could you type your comments directly into the box?  Fixing the fonts gives me the TS

One way tickets and Faustino V

I must confess, Justin and Richard, that all is not looking particularly well for the Rectory.

I may be dining in town this week at a Spanish pub of my acquaintance. I will take my phone and its sim card and I will meet someone. I will have Faustino V Reserva.

What is of real concern is the one way ticket. I never get a return train ticket: taxis are much more reliable conveyances after several bottles of Faustino V, I've found.

I may, though, be in no position to explain that should Andrews, Keelty or Ruddock bust in on my tapas.

What will they make of the Abbeys bag full of AB Bosworths, Peter Greens and Diodorus Siculi?

Father Park

Richard:  Extremely literate yet slightly confused would be my guess. Watch out in the side streets.  They like to surround you first, apparently. 

And, of course, that

And, of course, that should read "Mr Rudduck". I need a drink.

Richard:  Is it Church Block day at the rectory?

Time for prayer

It might well be time for the Angelus methinks. Perfect with bangers and mash...

I was sorely tempted by the Woodhenge last week before the flu virus took hold of the Rectory. Must give into that temptation this week.

Father Park

Richard:  Great minds dine alike, Father, but I confess I've yet to pick the red.

Of debts and recovery

He, he, he he.

In recent times, I have been seen in a bar near there - in the Capitol Hilton - having bets on the outcome of Gridiron finals games. Serious discussions involving the payment of alcohol debts in Budweiser or Samuel Adams were entered into.

The barman, who came originally from England - or didn't - , spent a little time on the phone to his bookie. I never found out if it was John or not. He was intrigued that I, on my "cell", could cycle between telcos for the best rate.

Perhaps Mr Rudd will come knocking on my door to check my "cell" phone bills? Perhaps he will offer to pay for them?

I wound up paying my weekend football debts in hard currency: Jack Daniels. Can't remember the exchange rate we worked out between Buds, Adams and JD.

I lost and spent a day in full-on recovery. Washington looked a little like the picture that particular day...

Father Park

No wonder I hate mobile phones

I often say that the only truly great marriage on the planet could be that between a mobile phone and a bucket of water.

We should worry

Returning from my last visit to Asia I was searched from head to toe and my mobile phone SIM card was taken away to be examined.

I offered up another SIM card I had purchased in Vietnam to use there. They also took that away for examination.

But I've only just remembered: I frequented a bar in Vietnam run by a very affable German who my friend told me had a "colourful" past and on further enquiries my friend would only say, "Put it this way - he's in no hurry to return to Germany and arrived here years ago with a lot of cash".

My problem: I allowed the German bar-owner to use my mobile phone twice one night when his battery was low – supposedly to phone "his girlfriend".

Should I expect a deportation order any day from Kevin? Even though I'm an Aussie citizen? We know that won't make much difference.

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